love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
