Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
