I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
