Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
