It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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