I hope mine doesn't look like that
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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