I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
