Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
