So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize