Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
