My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
