I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
