Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
