I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
