I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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