It's Friday. Sex?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
