and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
