it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
