would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
