o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
