well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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