Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
