Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.