I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
