You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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