I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
