my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
