We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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