I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
