Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
