I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
