So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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