i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
