It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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