so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
