i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
