So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
