I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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