God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize