She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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