You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
even my farts smell like vagina
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
