I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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