Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
