i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
