dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
