I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
