Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize