I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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