I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
