I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize