Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just high enough for therapy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
