He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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