High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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