Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
