i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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