I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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