I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
