My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
