mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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