I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
