I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
