No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
