I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish they made helmets for livers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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