So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
